wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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