There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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