You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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