I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
