I got chris browned last night
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
