You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
