i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
