I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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