Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
