I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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