quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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