Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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