Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
