Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
