so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
