I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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