after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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