OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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