I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
