you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
