its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So squirting runs in the family.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
