You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
