Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
