I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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