i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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