Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
