So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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