The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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