can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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