You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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