You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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