There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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