Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
BRING THE BAGELS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
