after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
