We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
