drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
