I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Houston, we have a squirter
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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