You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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