Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
