it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
