i already hear my dad disowning me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
