Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
