dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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