If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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