I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
