I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
