I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
