Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
