i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
