dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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