Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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