In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
