I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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